Dear Mr Rosenberg

*THIS WAS SOMEWHAT OF AN EPIPHANIC CONVERSATION I HAD WITH A FRIEND, SOMEONE I FIND REFUGE IN THE ACT OF RUBBING MINDS...IGNORE THE MISUSE OF IDENTIFIERS. I BELIEVE THAT WHEN TWO MINDS INTERTWINE AT THIS LEVEL, IT ALMOST ISNT NECESSARY TO SEPARATE THE TWO. PARDON MY RANDOMNESS...ENJOY*

A friend of mine asked what made me happy and my response was something along the lines of, 'moments of clarity, when the pieces fall into place and everything seems alright.' or some such nonsense and I don't think that anymore… I think happiness is a drug. Now what do I think? Everything we are sold, every little bit of capitalist society, sells us happiness… it is the ultimate product and function which with every purchase and modern action we strain to achieve. We are told it is the result of a perceived and highly subjective "success". I believe happiness, despite what we are told, is not the answer…it is not something you can have everyday, or every moment of life. At least, not in the way we have been taught to conceive of it. To proceed in such a manner is self indulgent and grossly destructive. instant gratification, if anything, will be our downfall, if it has not already become such by way of the recent recession happiness and success, if they are to be believed in at all, are the result of a life well lived with moderation, balance, and a great deal of honor and integrity…they are the product of positive and benevolent action, and of work well done. After years of drug use and partying, I feel pretty comfortable saying that happiness doesn't come in a pill or a person. You educate and inform yourself as well as you can, uplift and enlighten your self and the existential status of as many of your fellows as you can, and when you have truly crafted a job well done, THEN look back and be proud. If you must find happiness in your daily life, find it in knowing that what you do is of merit and what truth you have found…this is not to say that we must follow some Judeo-Christian notion of morality in order to be one…but I believe that the notions of success and happiness in the modern world have become much maligned and we desperately need to reassess our priorities and the stratification of our goals in life. It’s my personal belief that greatness or excellence in one's endeavors is often a distancing factor from those who did not, could not, or would not achieve such things. In the manifestation of these actions, such choices have been attributed to ambition, passion, drive, motivation, power, madness, obsession, etc. my struggle at this point is to find a manner in which i may still pursue that which inspires and informs my existence, while not impeding others' pursuits in the process. What makes you happy? Pussy…ha-ha… not a bad answer in truth, pussy is a powerful and beautiful thing…I asked you that question because I don’t know what makes me happy? See, that's my point. That question is one we've been indoctrinated to ask ourselves I am constantly searching for that next best thing to grasp my attention and spark my intellect. But is that what equals happiness to you? I just said it… something that grabs your attention and sparks your intellect. That’s what makes you happy… I’m afraid that all I will end up with at the end of my quest will be a handful of trifles and insignificant pieces of information. So maybe the answer to personal happiness is not a singular object but an intellectual and emotional state that's all any of us ends up with… I doubt my clothes will ever unravel the fabric of the universe… this is what I’m saying: maybe "what makes you happy" is not the question… and maybe happiness is not the answer the pettiness of it is all over what you just said if you're worried that your efforts at happiness won't mean anything, perhaps it's time to find something that does mean something to you a lot of my unhappiness stems from a fear of inconsequentiality and the fact that what I’m doing ultimately doesn't matter…the thought of me dying without possibly feeling that sense of true happiness no matter how short lived it is...kills me.