Dear Mr. Facebook

Faceless Facebook!!!

Welcome to face fucking book…now it feels just like you walk into your bedroom to find out that some asshole has re-arranged everything…your bed, your TV, your clothes, your shoes…EVERYTHING!!! Now I logged onto facebook and quickly logged out thinking I was on the wrong site! I closed my eyes and counted to ten, then I “re-opened my bedroom door” hoping to find everything like I left it…messy and disgusting (just my taste) but ALAS! (lmao,,,I said alas!!!) It was a nightmare.

So why the hell has Facebook decided to change the “look” and “feel” of our home? Is it because “Facebook” thinks we will appreciate it? Throwing us off balance as if we have NO say in choosing what side of the bed we want to lay on? What if “MySpace” tried that shit with us?…can you imagine the countless amount of death threats Almighty “Tom” would receive in his inbox? So, this brings me to the question of the day…DOES FACEBOOK ACTUALLY HAVE A FACE?

Just like the convenience that vibrators and tampons offer me, so does facebook. I am able to “network” with those x-chrislanders and QCOG’s without leaving my bed. I am able to go through those photos and make my own little side comments without getting punched dead right in my face, and I am able to go in my bathroom, take a picture and with the divine help of Photoshop, create an image that drops your jaws once it is posted….yes, I am able to “build my own face.”

I am no exact fan of the internet, however, being the control freak that I am, I feel like I should be able to “regulate” my own online activities to an extent. This new “look” of facebook just sucks!! Has the CIA taken over? Asking me “what’s on your mind?” Like WTF? Why are you asking? Why do you want to know? Who sent you? If I tell you what’s on my mind, I’ll have the SWAT at my door in no time! So Mr Facebook, let me ask you this…What is on YOUR mind? Huh? Why the hell have you decided to mind fuck me? Making me feel like that stupid frat boy who passed out on the couch with his shoes on and woke up looking like a clown and wearing heels!

I really don’t like the fact that you have decided to take out the “boldness” of my “status update” font. I hate the fact that I cant even tell the difference between my news feed and wall posts! Why are you doing this to me Mr. Facebook? I divorced Myspace for this shit? Just like a man on steroids who has big arms and a small dick, you have tricked me out of a marriage with Tom, just for you to “gain weight and grow out of shape” in this union! Mr. Facebook, I did NOT ask you for a change, I voted for Obama for a reason! Mt Facebook…I know we did not sign a prenup, but that gives you no right to dye your hair blonde and wear contact lenses that don’t match your skin! Mr Facebook…give me back MY FACE!!!