lucid dreaming

Lucid Dreaming(the mind of a disturbed teenager)Three Doors Down said…”roaming through this darkness, I’m alive but I’m alone”My lucid dream began at 15 after I saw the paternal members of my family shed crocodile tears as they told me that the plane crashed. Instantly, I slipped into this world where everyone put on masks…in my lucid dream, they were “lions, tigers, bears oh my…” lol. No it’s not funny but I saw through those masks…the more I masked them, the more transparent they were. They made comments and references, gestures and sneers. Damn! I fucked up! She asked me whether or not she should stay, and I said “go”…yes I did…”go, this last time” I said. I made her go and those words repeatedly played in my head as I shut my eyes wide open to dream. Even if I could give up everything, she wouldn’t return…Teejay wouldn’t come back to me. So I commenced my lucid dream. In this world that most don’t see because of the depth of their imagination- the lack of experience that leaves you no option to choose between two worlds denies you the privilege of lucid dreaming. I slipped and slipped and like Eminem in “the way I am”. I fell and fell…Now, somewhere inbetween 2000 and 2000LD, I got stuck in the gray area. I lost control of the lucidity of my dream. Masks became a typical representation of the human face. I crossed the waking state with no lapse in consciousness…”roaming through this darkness” I was alive but alone. The imagery of life in it’s true form became painfully vivid. Yes I did have days when reality seemed attainable, days when I could literally taste the rain and feel the pain. In my lucid dream, horrific instances became a norm. what have I done? I screamed but no one heard. They didn’t hear me because a part of my subconscious wanted silence…I numbed my heart and froze it. Remember the dog from “vanilla sky?”…yes, like Annie the Dog, I froze my heart. Far away from hurt. This plane did crash…soldiers did die in Iraq and Bush did capture Saddam.In my lucid dream, I chose to be blind to true love, I chose to be deaf to the originality of melody…and everyone became a fool. What are you dancing to? Why rejoice? Why cry or celebrate? They say you experience five basic emotions, I created a sixth one in my lucid dream…I felt the emotion of death…oh, you didn’t know? Death is an emotion. You don’t believe me? Slit your wrist and feel the rush. Three Doors Down…this world inside of me. You WILL never see it. Why? Cos it’s shit only Steven King and his science fiction pals can make you envision in your wildest imagination…”feed the idiot box”…media! Ha! Every year in my lucid dream, sympathizers will offer condolences and I will laugh at them…because I see their masks...yeah right! Pray! To who? God? Well, I KNOW GOD! She is beautiful. More importantly, I see her face…(NO, im not high on DMT…). In my lucid dream, you are a dumbass. They call it hip hop and you “hop.” They call it the supreme scream and you throw your hands up and go aaarrrggghhh. You fucking idiots…the media has been hegemonized, yet you fail to see that they are feeding you “bogus” crap and like the dumb consumers that I painted you out to be in my lucid dream, you gobble gobble! Teejay is dead, yet you all walk around as if life is dandy. I left my guns out of my lucid dream because if I didn’t, you will all be dead. Call it whatever, but there are a lot of them that should have sacrificed their lives so she could live…teejay deserved it more than any of you idiots. I have been looking for the door..for years, I sought the door…the exit to this fucking dream! Fuck a lucid dream, I choose real life so these bastards can hear me and learn something. I kicked three doors down, but they all led to more entrances…someone in one of the rooms said to me “wake the fuck up bitch, you’re lucid dreaming”…another asked me to settle down and embrace this state because it was “going no where”…now, will you reach out to me? I cry out! All you idiots with no sense of self fulfillment, I put myself out there…make yourselves useful and get me out of this lucid dream because “a part of me is holding on, but part of me is gone.”

Dear Mr. Facebook

Faceless Facebook!!!

Welcome to face fucking book…now it feels just like you walk into your bedroom to find out that some asshole has re-arranged everything…your bed, your TV, your clothes, your shoes…EVERYTHING!!! Now I logged onto facebook and quickly logged out thinking I was on the wrong site! I closed my eyes and counted to ten, then I “re-opened my bedroom door” hoping to find everything like I left it…messy and disgusting (just my taste) but ALAS! (lmao,,,I said alas!!!) It was a nightmare.

So why the hell has Facebook decided to change the “look” and “feel” of our home? Is it because “Facebook” thinks we will appreciate it? Throwing us off balance as if we have NO say in choosing what side of the bed we want to lay on? What if “MySpace” tried that shit with us?…can you imagine the countless amount of death threats Almighty “Tom” would receive in his inbox? So, this brings me to the question of the day…DOES FACEBOOK ACTUALLY HAVE A FACE?

Just like the convenience that vibrators and tampons offer me, so does facebook. I am able to “network” with those x-chrislanders and QCOG’s without leaving my bed. I am able to go through those photos and make my own little side comments without getting punched dead right in my face, and I am able to go in my bathroom, take a picture and with the divine help of Photoshop, create an image that drops your jaws once it is posted….yes, I am able to “build my own face.”

I am no exact fan of the internet, however, being the control freak that I am, I feel like I should be able to “regulate” my own online activities to an extent. This new “look” of facebook just sucks!! Has the CIA taken over? Asking me “what’s on your mind?” Like WTF? Why are you asking? Why do you want to know? Who sent you? If I tell you what’s on my mind, I’ll have the SWAT at my door in no time! So Mr Facebook, let me ask you this…What is on YOUR mind? Huh? Why the hell have you decided to mind fuck me? Making me feel like that stupid frat boy who passed out on the couch with his shoes on and woke up looking like a clown and wearing heels!

I really don’t like the fact that you have decided to take out the “boldness” of my “status update” font. I hate the fact that I cant even tell the difference between my news feed and wall posts! Why are you doing this to me Mr. Facebook? I divorced Myspace for this shit? Just like a man on steroids who has big arms and a small dick, you have tricked me out of a marriage with Tom, just for you to “gain weight and grow out of shape” in this union! Mr. Facebook, I did NOT ask you for a change, I voted for Obama for a reason! Mt Facebook…I know we did not sign a prenup, but that gives you no right to dye your hair blonde and wear contact lenses that don’t match your skin! Mr Facebook…give me back MY FACE!!!